The good, the bad, and the WTF just happened.

20140711_104036_409 Loving my summer break!  A week in New Orleans, a four day workshop, and we just got home from a four day jaunt to Disney.  I have a week of nothing, some eye doctor appointments and then another workshop before the school year starts again. Wow…where did it all go?  Time flies when you are having fun.

There are some things that I really wanted to get done this summer that I haven’t even put any effort into.  Oh well…. One of the things I wanted to work on was my health.  I was hoping to get a handle on my diet and for the most part I am doing well.  I’m eating within a calorie limit but my weight is not moving.  At all….it’s depressing.  My leg weakness I’m sure is directly related to my weight and it’s a vicious circle.  I just want to be able to walk 10,000 steps and not feel like I’m going to die. The days in the park showed me just how bad it is.  On a good note, the swelling in my ankles did fairly well.  I really thought logging all my food would help but it isn’t.  I mean. I log everything, if I’m on over calorie count I accept it and try to do better then next day.  UGH…I hate this.  Poor Jerry has to deal with me as well.  No one should have to wait on someone in a theme park because they need to sit every 5 minutes.  I am closer to getting surgery but I don’t really want to.  I’m scared. I’m a smart girl, I should be able to do this.  Why am i failing? When I’m feeling this way, I don’t want to eat.  I know that isn’t healthy. I know that your body needs fuel to run.  I obsess over things.  I know this.  I want a whole loaf of bread, toasted with butter. I have to go grocery shopping later today and pretty much know what I’m going to cook the next few days it just all the other food that is there.  CRAP, i’m over thinking this way too much.

If you’ve read this far,  you must really care because honestly I don’t know if I would even read all of this over anaylizng, wah-poor me stuff.  Usually typing out a a blog helps me but right now it’s making me more upset.  So yeah….Summer vacation.  yay…

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